Human Psychology: Why Do We Miss Someone?

We all miss a friends, a closed one or a beloved when they go away from us. Some go away because of the life- death cycle and some because no longer they connect to us. The former is indeed painful, but as per my experiences I feel the latter can be more painful. Each one of us has someone or other in our lives who was once a close one or a good friend to us… But something happened and it all ended. Relationships undergo modifications with time. However, a negative change can have significant impact on our psyche. I believe, people don’t forget anyone who they have met in their life. The memories stay and certain triggers keep on stirring up those memories. The feelings related to them can however change, depending what triggers it and what kind of memories are stimulated.

Most of psychoanalytic and existential perspectives have tried to explain this. The psychoanalytical school has seen this from the perception that losing someone is equivalent to losing a part of self. It’s like every person with whom we connect to in a loving way, is a kind of object related to us. Object relations theory mentions that we all program our psyches by connecting to others since our childhood. Hence, when someone goes away, he or she takes away a part of us with them (as some famous quotes also say the same).

Existential theories have focused on the “meaning” of life. One who has a meaning will survive any hardship. Sometimes, this meaning is connected to certain relationships of our life. When they leave, they take away the meaning too. No doubt, why some people attempt suicide after loss of a loved one is actually the fact of losing the ‘meaning’ of life.

So what do we learn from this? Should we always try to bring back our loved ones? If someone is not happy with you or vice-versa, there is no point in compromising. What you can do is learn from this and go onto make a firmer relationship in future. You know what role that person contributed in your life. However, there was something missing either from your side, or from their side. This gives a realization into what you need to improve upon and not do in future. Seek for the same relationship in future too but with a different YOU. So this would not only prepare you but also make you more stable, emotionally.

Every breakup or missing phase can be in itself a healing process for the person. It’s OK to miss someone, but not at the cost of your own life or self esteem. I don’t believe it’s ego when you don’t contact back the person. It’s just accepting that perhaps it’s better to be near heart than in front of eyes. That person is not far from you because he or she makes you learn what to or not to do in future. This is a kind of rehabilitation phase which everyone of us experiences in our lives. letting go is hard, many questions crop up in your mind. But remember, everyone has a limited time in your life and when that ends, it’s important to let them go and pray for their well being wherever they be.